


love hurts

by Beep_Toast



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abused Castiel (Supernatural), Abusive Dean Winchester, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - High School, Dean Winchester Being an Asshole, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, High School Castiel/Dean Winchester, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Sexual Content, Sexual Harassment, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:13:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24031117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beep_Toast/pseuds/Beep_Toast
Summary: Dean and Castiel are long time best friends. When they finally admit that they're in love, they enter the relationship of their dreams. As time passes, Dean changes and Castiel unknowingly adapts.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 77





	love hurts

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: DARKFIC
> 
> This is just a trauma vent fic. I've been out of my abusive relationship for almost a year :)

Castiel laid on Dean’s bed, looking up at the ceiling.

“Are you friends with them?” Dean asked. 

“Yeah. Are you friends with yours?” Castiel asked back. It was 9pm and they were grilling each other about their crushes. Dean smiled. 

“Yeah. Does yours sit at our lunch table?” Dean asked. Castiel grinned at the ceiling. Of course he sat at our lunch table. He glanced at Dean and opened his mouth, but he faltered. This could easily give away that his crush was Dean. It would become so obvious. On top of that, he was at Dean’s house right now. He couldn’t go home. It would make everything so awkward. He didn’t want Dean to be uncomfortable. 

“No.” Castiel lied, staring back up at the ceiling. Dean slumped over, his face falling. 

“Oh. Neither does mine.” Both went silent, staring into space. Castiel was heartbroken. He couldn’t be Dean’s crush then. Well, did he really think that Dean liked him? That was just stupid. Castiel blinked away a few tears.

“Do you wanna play Mario Kart?”

Castiel was ecstatic. His best friend Dean had just asked him out. They had both been dancing around it for six months, but now it was official. They were together. Castiel couldn’t be happier. 

Ninth grade came around and everything was going great. Castiel would stay up late with Dean, playing video games and watching movies.They held hands in the hallway and would sneak kisses on each other’s cheeks after school. They spent all the time they could together. Dates were rare, because Castiel was a homebody, but for one of their dates, they went to the mall. They bought cinnamon buns from the food court and Dean scarfed his down, getting a bit of frosting on his cheek. Castiel smiled and wiped it away. Castiel, being the bookworm he is, dragged Dean to Barnes and Noble. After finding a couple books, they stumbled upon an old series that they used to read as children. Going to kiss each Dean on the cheek, Cas didn’t realize that Dean was doing the same thing, and their lips met.

Tenth grade came around. They entered high school together. They had our own little high school love story, a cliche childhood dream that Castiel had held for years. Castiel’s mental health had spiralled downwards, but he was holding on. After all, he had Dean. What else could he ask for?

It was 2 am. Castiel was exhausted. Dean was on the verge of killing himself. Castiel stayed up all night with him, convincing Dean that he was loved. Castiel could only do so much over the phone, but he begged and pleaded and talked Dean out of it. The first time of many.

Castiel stared at the ground silently. Dean had yelled at him today. Called him worthless and stupid. Castiel already knew this, but to have it etched in his brain again hurt. Castiel shook his head. It was just a joke, anyway. Dean said he loved him anyway. No harm done. It was all a joke. It's not like it would happen again.

Castiel’s cheek stung. Dean had, he had _slapped_ him. They were walking to class together and Castiel didn’t remember what he said but Dean just slapped him. Dean was laughing after, so Castiel shrugged it off and laughed too. Later, they stayed after school for a gardening club. Castiel enjoyed playing in the dirt, planting seeds and digging. A smile was on his face when Dean walked over. Dean stared at Castiel’s hands. They were covered in dirt, smudged and dirty. Dean slapped Castiel again. Castiel learned very quickly that Dean hated dirt.

Castiel’s depression was hitting hard. He was with Dean and that was a relief. It was 12pm and they had just finished playing a round of Mario Kart. Dean stretched and put his arm around Castiel’s back. Castiel smiled, slinking into Dean’s side. Dean’s hand landed on Castiel’s thigh and he began to slowly rub it, a smirk on his face. Castiel bit the inside of his mouth; he didn’t want this right now. He was sad and he just wanted to play some games and joke around with Dean. Castiel pushed Dean’s hand away. Dean’s hand returned, gripping his thigh tighter. He leaned in, breathing on Castiel’s neck. It was clear what he wanted. Castiel didn’t care. Abruptly, he stood up and walked into the other room. Coming back, Castiel held Yahtzee in his hands with a smile. Dean sighed and was annoyed for the rest of the night.

They were in school. Castiel sat in front of Dean, not paying attention. He couldn’t. Castiel was so out of it and he didn’t know why. When the teacher placed worksheets at the front of the room, he got to get a copy for Dean and him. Castiel gave Dean his sheet then went to sit back down. Dean grabbed his ass and squeezed. Castiel froze. 

“Please don’t do that. Not here.” Castiel said quietly. Dean narrowed his eyes.

“You’re so protective over your body.” 

Castiel did the worksheet, hunched over his desk. His shoulders were at his ears and he stayed silent. He didn’t have the energy to talk to anyone.

“You see him right there? He’s mine. His ass is perfect, you wouldn’t believe.” Castiel heard Dean say to his friend. Castiel frowned, nervously clamping his fists. He pulled the sleeve of his sweater up and bit it. The way Dean talked about his body in public, to other people, it made Castiel uncomfortable. He hated it. He didn’t say anything, though. Next period, Dean grabbed his ass again.

Castiel sat at his desk nervously. Dean would be here any moment and his mood determined Castiel’s day. He prayed for today to be a good day; he couldn’t have another bad one. He hadn’t slept, another night of helping Dean. Castiel felt so guilty. He didn’t want to help Dean anymore. He wanted Dean to be happy, to live, but helping him hurt. Castiel knew Dean didn’t mean what he said. Dean had a tendency to lash out and snap, that wasn’t his fault. After all, maybe Castiel was an idiot. Maybe he was useless. Wouldn’t Dean be better by now if he wasn’t? Dean stomped into the room, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. Castiel shrunk into his chair; he knew how today would be.

Castiel stumbled into class and slunk into a desk. He was ready to fail this test, after all he had spent all of last week crying and throwing up. Anxiety had hit him like a truck and he could do nothing but worry to the point of throwing up and passing out. Castiel was exhausted. His eyes were still swollen red from crying so much. He could barely think, much less function. Dean walked into the room and immediately stood in front of Castiel.

“Where have you been?” Dean demanded. Castiel looked up at him.

“I’ve been sick. I had a really bad anxiety trip.” Castiel admitted, tears pricking his eyes. Oh, how he longed for Dean to hold him and tell him that everything would be alright. 

“Are you fucking stupid? Why are you here then? Jesus Christ, you’re such an idiot, why did you bother coming in? I don’t even know what to do with you.” Dean hissed. He kicked Castiel in the leg harshly, then left to find another seat. Castiel got his test and handed it in with tear stains.

After the period ended, Castiel began to trudge his way to his next period. Dean appeared in front of him. 

“You look terrible. Why did you come.” It wasn’t even a question. It was just a harsh statement. Dean slapped him, then headed in the other direction. Castiel looked at the ground.

Later that day, Dean texted him.

_Dean: I’m sorry I slapped you so hard. I wasn’t feeling good today._

Castiel blinked at the message. Dean had apologized. 

_Castiel: It’s okay, I understand. I love you._

Castiel was at Dean’s house for the night again. Dean kissed up and down his neck, running his hands up Castiel’s shirt. Castiel felt...gross. He laid there, still. Dean palmed at his own pants before tugging at Castiel’s.

“I want to fuck you. You’re a good little boy, right Cas?” Castiel shook his head and pulled at his pants.

“I’m not ready, Dean.” Castiel looked to the side. He felt like a child. He was already 14, yet he was so unwilling to have sex. What kind of teenager didn’t want to have sex? He trusted Dean, so why was he so hesitant? He wasn’t ready to be touched. He didn’t want to hurt. He didn’t want it like this. Dean pulled Castiel’s pants down.

“Sh, sh. It’s okay.” Dean dragged Castiel’s underwear off. Castiel wiggled under him. He was exposed, and he didn’t like that. Dean flipped Castiel over and squeezed his butt. “Fuck, you’re perfect. Your ass is perfect.” Castiel grimaced and shook.

“Dean, stop.” Dean just shushed Castiel again and sucked on one of his fingers. When it was wet enough, he lined it up with Castiel’s hole. Castiel felt it push up against his entrance. It was uncomfortable. It was foreign. It wasn’t right. He whimpered. Dean pushed in barely, and Castiel scrambled his way to the edge of the couch. He curled into a ball to cover himself. “I’m not ready yet.” Dean rolled his eyes and grumbled. Castiel put his clothes back on and sat on the edge of the couch. Dean didn’t move towards him, and that's how they stayed.

Dean and Castiel sat in the school library, surrounded by their friends. They had all stayed after to hang out, and the conversation was lively. Castiel smiled brightly at his friends, one of which was talking about his ex-girlfriend.

“We sent nudes, but that was it before it ended.” The friend spoke and laughed. 

“Lame, but still better than Cas here.” Dean pitched in, and Castiel immediately felt eyes on him. He looked up at Dean, silently pleading for him to be quiet. No one seemed to notice.  
  
“You guys have been together for over a year, you have to have seen each other naked already.” The friend asked in disbelief. Castiel didn’t like where this was going.

“We have, but he won’t let me fuck him. I mean, he won’t even let me get a finger in! He’s scared of the pain, such a pussy.” Dean laughed and all of their friends joined in. All except for Cas. They continued to joke about it, but Castiel couldn’t hear anything. He couldn’t register the muffled voices over the burning of his cheeks and the gnawing monster of his shame.

“You don’t love me.” Dean said and walked away from Castiel. Castiel watched him go, pain filling his heart. He had heard that sentence so many times recently. ‘You don’t love me’ as Dean cried out suicide. ‘You don’t love me’ as Dean sat in class. ‘You don’t love me’ as Dean complained to Castiel about how he has to vent about their relationship to other people. ‘You don’t love me’. All because Castiel wouldn’t let Dean do things to him. All because Castiel wasn’t ready to have sex. It was such a gross word. Castiel had nothing but shame and guilt associated with it. Dean thought Castiel didn’t love him. Dean wanted to die because he thought Castiel didn’t love him. Maybe he should just give in. He had to one day. After all, Dean deserved it and Castiel was being selfish.

Castiel and Dean sat in their health class. Castiel was zoned out and Dean was talking to his friend. Castiel rarely paid attention anymore. That is, unless something caught his eye, and today something did. The teacher spoke about abusive and healthy relationships. The students were given resources to learn more and left to explore them. One website had a quiz to see if your relationship was healthy. Castiel took it. His result? It was extremely abusive and he should leave. Castiel scoffed; this quiz didn’t know him and Dean. Relationships were complicated and this thing didn’t know anything. It didn’t stop the seed from being planted in his mind, though.

“It says I’m abusive? Am I that much of an asshole?” Dean asked Castiel. Castiel shook his head.

“Don’t count the jokes.” The jokes being the hitting, the manipulation, the degradation. “I love you. This doesn’t mean anything.” Castiel reassured Dean. Dean, however, was getting worked up. The bell rang and they both stood up. In the hallway, Dean stopped Castiel from walking. 

“Don’t leave me.” Dean ordered and slapped Castiel in the face. Castiel nodded, but he couldn’t help from thinking if this was all right.

_Castiel: I’m breaking up with you._

_Dean: Okay, I was getting bored anyway._

Castiel cried.

It was 11pm the next day.

_Dean: No one is ever going to love me. I’m going to die alone._

_Castiel: Don’t say that. That’s not true._

_Dean: I’m gonna kill myself. No one loves me._

Castiel sighed and went to sleep.


End file.
